They say home is where the heart is. I prefer to call home my
loves one back in Sabah (Cause I'm currently living in Sarawak). Home doesn't
necessarily be a place, to me it's more of a person I love.
If you follow my twitter, you'll see I mention my kampung in
Tamparuli quite a lot but somehow it is mostly about how I feel that the place
where my dad was born and raised somehow changed it the past years
Well I used to feel my kampung back in Tamparuli was the place
where most of family members put our hearts. We used to gather there every year
and yes we still do but somehow the vibe of our family gathering had changed so
much since 5 yrs ago right on this date 26/10/2015. Curious why I say my
kampung in Tamparuli doesnot feel like home anymore? Well continue reading and
you migth just find the answer.
5 years ago...
I still remembered it like it happened yesterday. I was in Form 2
back then meaning my classes start in the afternoon and ends in the evening. My
big sister Nana, was furthering her studies back in Labuan and we were suppose
to pick her up that night at the airport. My mum at that time was on a station
to work outside of Kota Kinabalu for 3 days. So it was my dad job to pick my
sister up at the airport and since our house was quite far from our house me
and my two other siblings had to tag along. The night seems perfectly fine
never guessing a thunderstorm was right in our path
That is where the misfortune started, my sister's flight was due
to land around 7.00 - 8.00 pm but somehow we went and constantly checked the
arrivals list her plane seems never to arive. We were getting tired of waiting
and constantly seeing her flight pushed back till late at night. When she
finally landed it was nearing 10pm and we were just restless to get back
home.
We reached home around 11pm everyone ready to go to bed as my brothers
had to go to school early tomorrow morning. That is when the our house phone
rang. I can't remember who picked it up and pass it to our father but I
remembered how my dad suddenly dress up back and was in a rush to go somewhere.
He went out and sat in his car ready to leave. Since my sister and I was the
oldest among the four of us we had to wait for the car to leave to locked the
gates. And that is when my dad broke down in tears in his cars, I remembered
his cries was so loud and deep in pain as like a knife was stabbed right thru
his heart. Thru his tears he told the news till this day that saddened
me.
The phone call just now was from one of our neighbour back in our
kampung in Tamparuli. Our neighbour informed us that my grandmother had just passed
away. And just like I could feel my whole world turn dark as all us started to
cry moaning our loss. My sister the only who didn't cried so long pull herself
together and comforted my dad and made sure to take care of us that night. I
remembered she saying let us offer our prayers for our late grandma. I
remembered like to brighten the mood we watched a Japanese drama till 1 am to
ease our tears. I remembered waking up the next day and cried again as I was
still unable to deal with my grandma passing away so suddenly.
My mom called to tell us she was going back to the house around
mid-morning. None of us went to school that day. All of us had to pack to go
back to our kampung. Not for a celebration like we usually do but for a funeral
and to say our goodbyes for the last time to our beloved grandma.
I knew what pain was that day. I watched as my dad who was always
bright with smile and his 6 brothers weep their hearts out and cried like
toddlers for their mother. My grandfather at that time was trying to control
his tears from flowing out. I watched as my aunt my dad's sister cried and
scream wildly not wanting the coffin to be carried out of the house
desperately. Knowing she was not ready to part with her mother. That was the
most heart wrenching day of my live, as I see slowly my grandma coffin lowered
to the hole where she will lay rest forever. I remembered how after the funeral
the house seems more empty and lonely.
Though we managed to pull our big family together but after 1 year
my grandfather joined my grandmother in death and I witnessed the second heart
breaking thing ever. My father's brother cried not wanting to part with the
last of their parents. I remembered how my dad's older brother tried to opened
the coffin and hug my grandfather for one last time and my dad's younger
brother passing out since his sadness and tears was consuming him.
Those two days were one of the darkest moment in my life. All
happened in my kampung. That is why I don't feel like I'm back home when ever
I'm back there cause I know home in Tamparuli means my grandma and grandpa was
still around to witness all the celebration we used to had. Home is where my
big family was still complete. Home is knowing my grandma and grandpa were
there waiting for all us from their grandchildren and children to come back
there with them for Christmas and random moments. Now whenever I go back there
in Tamparuli it is just a big house but I never feel like I'm back home.
But we all know death is unavoidable. We talked bout our grandparents
as if they were still here with us cause I know deep down they live in our
hearts and thoughts forever.
Happy Anniversary Grandma, there is not one day where I and the
rest of us stopped thinking and loving you and grandpa up there. Thanks for the
lovely memories we had and thank you for all those years for making the house
back in Tamparuli a home full of laughter and love.
